Today Holly shares her story as part of the series on Depression.
Holly currently lives in Nebraska with her amazing & godly husband, sweet & smart 4-year old daughter & joyful 2 year old son. She is a stay-at-home mom who serves with her local MOPS group, and on her church’s Mission Leadership Team for missionary support. She writes at The Brown Tribe for the purpose of discipling and encouraging women and mothers. She is also a contributor for Missional Call, Raising Up Stones & Satisfaction Through Christ. In her spare time she enjoys coffee, photography, exploring the culinary craft, helping combat human trafficking through awareness and is currently writing her first book. You can follow along with Holly on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, and Instagram.
Depression is a loaded word and to be honest, I never thought of myself as depressed. Depressed people have this stigma of being seriously ill and requiring professional help, couple that with the pressure to be accepted as a teen, and you’ve got denial running rampant amongst younger generations.
However, later in life, after I was saved and walking faithfully with the Lord, I realized just how detrimental my depression was. It’s something I couldn’t identify at all when I living in it. I simply felt like I was “dealing” with life as I knew it, trying to escape it at every chance but more so just surviving and dreaming for better days.
My depression manifested itself in me becoming sullen, withdrawn from everyone except my twin sister. She was the only one who saw me smile, or heard me laugh. She knew all my secrets. My teachers never really heard my voice much unless I was called on to answer a question. Then my depression went deeper into the depths and I started cutting – or self-mutilation as it is termed now. I didn’t cut my arms, legs or stomach. No place where people could potentially see it in locker rooms or in the summer. I cut my scalp, within my hair so no one would ever know…